Tuesday, November 3, 2009


another 3 pounds lost.

I really do not feel proud of myself for some sick reason.

yes this is a total of 10 pounds but I don't feel as if its good enough I feel like I could have done better like I should be at a higher weight loss by now.
I remember weight loss being so much easier the first time I did it.

I'm also still feeling sick the thought of food turns my stomach.

I had a small panic attack last night, I'm going to a convention with Ruby and a few friends.
but I have major Anxiety problems, mainly about being left alone, and we are going out of state and that makes it worse for me. Ive already told them they cant leave me alone Ruby said she wouldn't, but it still worries me that I will get separated from them.
I know I sound like a 5 year old but Molly usually holds my hand so I don't get lost I hope Ruby does the same because Molly isn't going..

I just keep telling myself that I will be ok and Ill be ok right?
If I get lost or cant find anyone I just call and say hey I'm lost come find me... but even that thought doesn't quench the overwhelming fear of being alone in a large crowd of people I don't know.

Bright Side? Lee (someone going to the Con) told me to bring my laptop and he would try and fix it for me cause him and a few other people are IT people. that makes me Happy my last Tech guy fixed my laptop but not very well he fixed my screen so it works but my keyboard doesn't work and I'm having to use a USB keyboard, and along with my mouse and extra fan it makes my laptop even less portable.

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