7 followers >.< thats kinda awesome to think that people I dont know actually give a crap. Molly, Ruby, and Becky have no choice they have to care!

Well yesterday was a trying day for me I ran to 2 different stores to get what I needed to make the chicken Curry, got home tossed it all in the crock pot put it up on high and hoped it would be done my 6 (it being 12 in the afternoon at the time) no one in my house liked it my dad (who ate well over a serving) said it was horrible my mom took two bites and made herself something else saying "its to spicey" so I made myself two bowels for left overs and gave the rest to Rubys house, Molly cant eat any, it has ground cloves in it and shes allergic to cloves. (not die allergic just make me sick to my stomach allergic Im not that bad of a friend)

After a 10 minute long discussion with Ruby about her 5 paragraph long blog entries we have decided that I should post more then just a few sentences after all I have to keep my blog followers entertained now dont I?

So my Goal has changed when I first made this blog it was to fit into my halloween outfit then make it to 165 pounds and now its just make it to 165 pounds, Im sure to a thinner person 165 pounds is fat but to my 253 pound frame its thin. but I found another outfit I will be wearing for Halloween. its awesome. Catholic School Girl Vampire.... (had to toss the vampire in there I am slightly obsessed with the undead)

I havent been to the gym in 3 days my gym partner has been sick and my Anxiety about going alone has kept me from going, Ive been telling myself "Ill play some DDR and it will make up for it." thats just how Ive been making myself feel better DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) is a fun game and good for working out with but Im sure I never burn as much calories as I do at the gym. but our friend Nadine said she would go to the gym with me today when she gets off of work and that makes me Happy she is on the same diet as us kinda Im not sure if she keeps a food journal or not or if she counts points but I know she isnt doing any horrible snacking infront of us.

last night I did have 11 points worth of french frys >.< made up for my lack of eating durring the day. but I know it was a bad choice of 11 points Im sure I could have had 11 points worth of Salad....

Anyway Food Stuffs:

I havent eaten yet (yes its 1:.30 pm but Im not hungry yet I just woke up)
so when I do eat I will Edit this post and put my foods down here.

I still say I plan on eating my left over chicken curry and a fruit bar...

Chicken Curry w/ Rice: 6 pts
Fruit Bar: 2 Pts.

2 Frozen Fruit bars, 2 points a piece - 6 pts? 1 extra for each one? one serving a bar.
2 pieces of Honey Wheat bread - 2
Less then a serving of Nutella Ill call that one point maybe less - 1

Dinner will be one serving of brown rice and Rubys Chicken Curry

I have 6 followers now? really who wants to read this crap?

For Ruby

1 serving Turkey Pepperoni (snack)
1 can (two servings) Soup (1 serving a can least thats what the front says) (lunch)
1 serving Kashi Cereal (breakfast)
1 serving Almond Milk (breakfast)
1 Serving Pork Chop (for dinner)
2 Servings Cauliflower (dinner)
1 serving Light Ranch (for the Cauliflower)
1 small Apple
1 serving home made Cinnamon dip (Fat Free Cool Whip, Cinnamon, Splenda, Low Fat Cream Cheese)

No Gym today I realized how burnt out I am, Im so tired, and I feel weak not energized like I was. I just need a day to sleep. its raining as well. I love the rain.

Ruby is Rahvi ok? poor baby has his nose stopped bleeding? it doesnt look infected or anything does it?

I'm getting ready to go to the gym again, I'm just getting over a few weeks of a serious depression.
I'm not sure how I feel I'm numb really but I'm keeping to my points, eating in smaller portions. I think right now that's all that is really keeping me going.

I know that without Molly I would be lost.
I'm still sick. this cold seems to be lingering.
I had a job interview today it went well I think and I hope to hear form them within the next two weeks.

I was in a happy place things were going well. and now its back to the way it was before, I dont know why I expected things to be ok forever.

I lost one pound.

the way I feel that will be the only pound.

I weigh myself tomorrow, I don't want to either way I feel miserable, I feel like a horrid friend. Two of my best friend are hurting feeling the loss of a grandfather, and all I can do is say I'm sorry. I feel miserable I don't want to go over there spread my sick germs I barley had the energy to go to the doctor today.

I don't want to talk about points. at this point I'm not sure I really want to post.

I'm proud of my friends for the simple fact that they are keeping to their diets in such a hard time in their lives. I wish I could be as strong.

I don't think I over ate but I haven't counted any points.

As Molly would say I'm in head space at the moment. I shouldn't be its selfish my friends need me.. and I cant get past my own shit to be there for them. I'm pathetic.

Im sick. Lovely >.< I had the same thing for breakfast that I ate yesterday.

1 Egg - 1 point
2 Turkey Bacon - 3 points 1 point a serving 1 slice a serving doubled for two servings.
1 wrap - 3 points

7 points total.

*sniffles* I dont think Im walking the track tonight, Ill try and do some Wii Fit stuff tonight I feel like shit.

its been a few days where to start?

I went to the store with my mom yesterday, Unlike my support group I live with my parents, my mother is on a diet but my father isn't to the food choices in the house were, less then healthy. but since I went with my mom I got good for me things. Like Turkey Bacon, Turkey Pepperoni, Egg Beaters, Low Fat Cream Cheese, Kashi cereal, Baby Spinach, Sugar Snap Peas, Asparagus, Cauliflower, and Apples I got other things as well but those were my main healthy choices that Ive requested no one else in the house eat unless they ask me. I joined a Gym near me but I have yet to go to work out. I'm scared I suppose, I'm very shy and I have anxiety issues in the first place so I cannot go to the gym alone not yet.

so far today

1 egg
1 whole wheat wrap
2 slices of Turkey bacon
less then one serving of low fat cream cheese.


Point value coming soon.

and now, Im going to get dressed, because Josh my friend Molly's husband wants to go for cheese steak. I do not think I will be getting one, and if I did it would be my meal over 4 days so I can keep to my points.

yay! 1 whole mile! woo I feel good I feel tired I'm going to the Gym tomorrow!

Im not sure if we are walking tonight, its raining but if we dont I will go home and get on my moms Wii or play some DDR on my PS2. Im very hungry right now Id like to eat I have to wait for Ruby to make dinner well I could go get something but if I wait for Ruby Ill at least have something good for me.

Im at 20 points for the day I have a total of 32 points.... so 12 more to go.

Home

After a night of fun times with my friends they even listened when I rambled on about World of Warcraft. All in all it was a good night geeky gamerness aside Ruby made an Amazing Dinner of Meat Loaf and Mac and Cheese once she posts it on her blog I will link it here.
I do have a lot going on in my head thinking... I'm hoping I can keep it there in my head and not let it bother me during my weight loss

Tonight was good 3/4 laps soon I hope for 4/4 laps to make a full mile....

After an hour of crying...
I need to do this for me.
I need to be "thin"
I feel horrible.

*sighs* walking tonight with Ruby and Molly around the track.

253.1

Today is I hope going to be a good day.... I hope, but not only am I battling my weight I'm also battling with depression and sickness, two things that work very hard to beat me down to keep me from doing the things I need to do such as work out or eat right.... I bought some weights since I cannot afford a gym membership nor can afford Weight Watchers but I am following the plan closely I lost 50 pounds on that diet a few years ago and with the support of my friends I hope to lose more and keep it off I know we can do it! my thoughts are jummbled at the moment I had more I wanted to type... but for now bye I will post my eatings of the day when I eat.

Cup of Noodles - no point Value yet Have to call Ruby she has my points counter.
Water - 0 points
4 grapes- not even sure if that is a serving

Not Day One... More like Day 9ish

I did this for Ruby, for Molly, for Nadine, for myself...

I want to feel better about myself feel less horrible about myself when I go clothes shopping.

I will stick to this...

because.

I need to be a better me.