Monday, September 21, 2009

I weigh myself tomorrow, I don't want to either way I feel miserable, I feel like a horrid friend. Two of my best friend are hurting feeling the loss of a grandfather, and all I can do is say I'm sorry. I feel miserable I don't want to go over there spread my sick germs I barley had the energy to go to the doctor today.

I don't want to talk about points. at this point I'm not sure I really want to post.

I'm proud of my friends for the simple fact that they are keeping to their diets in such a hard time in their lives. I wish I could be as strong.

I don't think I over ate but I haven't counted any points.

As Molly would say I'm in head space at the moment. I shouldn't be its selfish my friends need me.. and I cant get past my own shit to be there for them. I'm pathetic.


  1. You aren't pathetic. Death makes us introspective even when it isn't hitting us directly.

    We cant always be in tip top condition. Changes like these are HARD because we are ever changing in our lives and our environments. Own the bad days girl, own them be honest about them and learn from them. I will too.

    I am so proud of you for your honesty about your points and you feelings, but you aren't a bad friend. I haven't let you inside me on this one, but to be honest I haven't let anyone in. Please don't blame yourself for my silence. I am so deeply hurt by what has happened that talking confuses my thoughts and brings me back to the starting line and I have to talk myself back down from that edge all over again.

    Love you, be good to yourself. For me.

  2. Honey, you aren't a bad friend or pathetic. You have feelings, though, and that's a good thing.

    I've never lost anyone close but I've been on the fringes like this many times. It seems that death affects everyone it touches, even those of us on the outer edges, like ripples across the water. You are doing fine just being who you are, being their friend. *hugs*

  3. Ashley you aren't a bad friend. I've destroyed my diet these past couple of days. I'm still going to tally them up and keep moving. We aren't going to quit just because there have been some days without walking. You shouldn't exercise when you are ick because it weakens your body even more. We can ddo this. We love you. Don't be too hard on yourself